سنة الفقر

Disclaimer: I was supposed to post this like last year (Grade 11 finals week) but I forgot to save it so I

!!! just gave up. But I found half of it on my notes sooo hahahhahah. !!!

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Tomorrow, I have to present my presentation to a teacher whose name rhymes with salami. Not how I wanted to end the year, but what can I do about it?

I presented and bro… I tried to focus, but she kept staring at me!? And my dumbass kept looking at the French wall like that’s going to help. I think I got like an 8 or 7/10 ( I acthuly got a 6/10) , like it was alright I guess.

Now that I have seen my grades before the finals, I’m going to rate each class. (So they can rate me but I can’t rate them? Make it make sense.)

These are my ratings in alphabetical order:

Arabic: I give this class 6 /10. Low-key, it was kind of my fault cause I know that she knows that we both know I was using my phone that day… so I couldn’t get away with some shit that she might have let slide for others. Not to mention the countless times I would send her empty Canva links that were locked, so she couldn’t grade my assignment as late. One thing is for sure, though, I think girl should quit being a teacher and start giving motivational speeches. Would I listen to them in my free time? Hell, no. But is it a good way to skip class? Hell yes. But at least she taught us, not just in the academic sense but in a real-life wisdom sense too ig.

English: Oh, where do I begin? Every single grammar lesson, without a doubt, she’d go over like a sentence, barely reading it and then say, “Oh, really easy,” then we'd go straight into doing like five quizzes, all of which she forgot to give us before, totally disregarding the pace of the course. Girl, your job is to teach. Why are you standing there blasting music and singing along? If you want to be a music teacher, just say that. 5/10

French: I LOVE HERRRRRR, but we lost a baddie✊. Her class was soooo easy, literally I would just talk in English with a French accent and she would go crazy like “stop uwu.” But she made me wayyyy too confident in French cuz when I went to France this summer and tried to speak my French-lish, they gave me the dirtiest look. Whaaaaaatt. Honestly, she was a good teacher, but the class didn’t really care for her. 8/10

Islamic: I hated this class soooooo much. It’s like she is a good teacher in theory, but she doesn’t have a way with her words. She couldn’t keep me interested and engaged with the lesson, and by the end of the class, I forgot everything she said anyway. Plus, whenever I wanted to recite something, she would disappear sooooo. 2/10

Mass Communication: 9/10, just because we had him for half of the classes. Like if we had 100 lessons, he would come and teach us for 50 lessons (teacher shortage, yipee!). The subject itself is very boring cuz it’s just general knowledge, but he has acthuly (haha get it?) has a way with his words. Even though his stories had nothing to do with the lesson, or the fact that this is the third time hearing it from him, I never went to his class hating it. I usually don’t talk in other classes, since some teachers are sooo fake. They can say it’s okay, but once you make a mistake, they will make you feel like you are so stupid. Some teachers make you feel like it’s okay to make mistakes, and I’d say he’s one of them. Miss you King.

So… about Moral, the school changed our teacher in the middle of the year. I’ll start with the first teacher first.

Moral (teacher 1): I didn’t like or enjoy this class cuz all we did was make her Canva. Keep in mind, this class has zero credit, so it doesn’t even go on our report card, because of that I would just skip it. But as a teacher, she is pretty chill. Rating the class in general: 6/10

Moral (teacher 2): Exactly.the.same. The only difference was that she hyped us up in the first lesson, telling us about all the fun activities she’d do, but no. She kept talking about where she is from and where she grew up, to the point I memorized her life story (backstory and all). + There was this one time when Lipliner wanted to go to the toilet, so I decided to go with her (why not?). We went up to her to ask her for permission to go, as good students do, but this lady had the ADACITY to say, “Why do you want to go with her? (Basically called me a lesbian), Then hit me lightly. I proceeded to tell her that it is child abuse, which got me a slap on my back. Damn, go hit your OWN KIDS (I've heard about them too) or smth. But she is funny, gotta give her that. 3/10

PE: Girl made me feel like my Usain Bolt or something. She would tell the other teachers that I give my 100% during her class, to the point that my Arabic teacher (the one whose name rhymes with salami )'s jaw dropped to the floor. 10/10 love you Bamiya <33.

Same situation as Moral (I’m seeing a pattern here…), though this time it was by the end of the year, which I'm not sure if it's for the better or worse (since we had finals coming around the corner).

Physics (teacher 1): Anyway, our first teacher left cuz he got a really good job offer. Good for him. He was good at explaining things, and the powerpoints he made were muah chef’s kiss. You can actually understand what’s on the board. I know if I had him as my tenth grade physics teacher, I would have better base knowledge in physics. But he was overqualified for this job. His class in general: 8/10. 

Physics (teacher 2): Compared to our first teacher, who was built like an acthual viking, he was the complete opposite. He's so cute and old, really slow, I mean like REALLY. His voice was all mumbly when he talked. Teaching-wise… I can’t really judge, I slept through 70% of his lessons. I would give him 6/10.

Pre-Calc: Saved the best for last, where should I start? My zesty king. Bro would always get so pressed when we don’t get something. Like chill, you only solved one question and now you expect us to be math wizards? Acting like me and Al-Khwarizmi have a 1000 day streak on snapchat or smth. He is funny though, until he starts to make fun of you. Like bro, your hairline defies gravity, pipe down. But he is a good teacher. At first I was so hyped to leave his class, but after that I kinda missed him. But all that went away the second I saw his name on my timetable. 7.5/10

Overall my junior year kept me on my toes and I hatedddddddd it sooooo much.

 

I hereby find you guilty for all crimes you have been charged with

 IM BAAACCCCKKK 

for one last time gang :c 

Anyways, it was my last first day of school, and I was like, ok hype gang, like yeah.
So I arrived to school on time (7:10) and I saw lipliner (like yeaahahha). I picked out seats for me and Henna and all was fine, a dainty OK!

Then I get a call from Michael Jackson (weird but ok ig). I swiped to take the call—
but wait, before I say what happened, I have to preface: me and Michael Jackson are not friends or even acquaintances. I just become “one” when she needs something. So I decided I’m not gonna give her that anymore — boundaries and stuff.

Now I can start the story. She called me and said the following:

MJ: Are you at school?
Neo: Yeah, why?
MJ: Save me a seat.
Neo: Um, ok ig.
MJ: Save me a seat, Neo.
Neo: I said ok, btw nobody is in class.
MJ: No, like sit in my seat. I want to sit in the same place I sat last year.
Neo: Where are you?
MJ: I just walked into school.

Call ended

I don’t care that she asked me to save her a seat. What I cared about was how she said it.
If she had asked me a little nicer, I would have saved it for her, Michael Jackson.
But no. The world revolves around her.
I know it was kinda dumb, but it’s just the way she said it that pissed me off.

Boundaries were made, Michael Jackson was pressed, and I’m still not saving that seat.

 I WILL SAVE THE EARTH FROM MIGUEL O'HARA HATERS

When I find you trust you will be dealt with

That's what I get for trying to bond with my sister. If you thought 6ix9ine was bad, you haven’t met Rock. This could’ve gone one of two ways:

1. She could have just forgotten about it, or

2. She would go and tell my mom.

There is nothing worse than having to wait for it—like, you know you’re going to get grounded, but it’s just a matter of when.

Please, I can’t do this. I have plans this summer.

And if I ever try to bond with my sister again, show me this post.

Wannabe Ance Victim

Since Stranger Things is ending, I thought I’d share a dumb story.

It was 2019, and Season 3 had just dropped. This show was everywhere, and because I wanted to fit in, I decided to watch it. Mind you, I was 11 at the time. Then there was this scene not even a major one about acne and pimples. So I thought, I’m a teenager now, and I have to take care of my skin.

I went into my mom’s room, locked the door behind me, and started snooping through her drawer. But my dumbass pushed all the skincare products onto the counter and decided, Yes, the white tube of cream is the answer to beautiful, clear, plump skin (as if my skin wasn’t already that). But I DIDN’T READ the label IT WAS IN BOLD and it was an antibiotic cream.

I applied a FAT BLOB of it, and the first thing I was going to fix was my non-existent eye bags. You know the drill I tapped it under my eyes. But that stuff burned so bad! Still, you know what they say beauty is pain so what did I do? I kept going.

A few days later, I ran up again to apply my “eye cream,” and I heard the door handle turning. I panicked, tried wiping it off, and after a LONG 10 seconds of trying to come up with a lie, I finally opened the door. But yours truly FORGOT THE CREAM ON THE COUNTER.

So my mom found out. And for the next few days, I had to use eyedrops because my eyes were so red and inflamed. 

( btw it was not a antibiotic cream it was in fact those fungal creams but i didn't want to add that )

???

 Just 1385 days. 

1010 days have passed.

375 more to go.

Sign on the Times

I hate Snapchat memories. They make my stomach feel funny when I watch old videos and photos

She loves me, She loves me not

Sassy minion yapping, equations on the board—my school life was getting repetitive. Then boom—this sinister idea came to me. Why don’t I make up a secret admirer and play a prank on my friend Lippy? So, I grabbed some paper, folded it in half, and wrote up some cheesy haikus in between, signing it “S.M.” (Do you really think I’d leave you without proof? ಠ_ಠ)

The letter reads : Hello, my will to live 

ur smile a sunrise 

my heart does cartwheels for you 

signed - S.M

Very mysterious, I know. But little did I know that LIPPY NEVER OPENS HER DAMN LOCKER.

I kind of forgot about the whole thing until one day, while Lippy and I were skipping class, we finally found the letter still sitting in her locker. At first, I was shocked. Then it clicked: I wrote that damn letter. I didn’t know what to do, so I acted all surprised (because I’m not blowing my cover on the first note???).

But I wanted to laugh SO BAD because Lippy couldn’t read my beautiful cursive handwriting (I tried my best). She even took a photo and sent it to ChatGPT… like, my handwriting isn’t that bad.

So Lippy replied I believe a few lessons later with this:

The letter reads :

roses are red, violets are blue, who r you cuz i wanna meet you :)

Now I feel like those serial killers with a signature—like, once you see the crime scene, you know exactly who did it. But I do have to say: Lippy, I’m quite flattered.

I decided to wait a bit so I wouldn’t look desperate (≖_≖). A week later, I planted my next letter. The vibe I was going for? The horse in Tina’s dreams in Bob’s Burgers (10/10 masterpiece).

The letter reads :

whispers in the dark names fade - but charms always remain <3

guess my name if you DARE!

P.S. What’s your favorite color? And is your name Lippy?

(I didn’t include the back here because it has Lippy’s actual name.)

This is where I kinda fumbled. While reading the letter, Lippy saw me hinting at what S.M. was trying to say. She was beginning to grow suspicious. And when I tried planting the letter, I got caught multiple times by classmates. Thankfully, they don’t talk to Lippy anymore (oop).

Lippy didn’t respond for a while. I thought, “I’ve definitely been caught. She totally knows I’m behind these secret letters.”

Nevertheless, I went forward with the plan and planted S.M.’s third letter in her locker.

The letter reads :

I will give you 1 hint

I’m in the 11th grade

And it included a fill-in-the-blank kind of game.

( i'm not showing you guys the letters cuz it is soo cringy .·°՞(≧□≦)՞°·. )

So Neo, how did you fumble? You executed that perfectly. You planted it after school and even wrote it in the janitor’s closet!

Well, when Lippy found the letter and was trying to decode it, I slipped up and said, “Obviously it’s a red herring.” That made her even more suspicious. So I decided to let them solve it themselves.

So I replied to my OWN letter which I helped Lippy to write back to S.M ( lowkey so proud of this one )

The letter reads : Riddle me this, Riddle me that I would like 2 see you in a group-chat ?

talk to me here ( the blog you are on rn ) - i will be online this week (12:35 - 12 :55) 

I immediately told one of my pookies, “It’s time.” I explained the whole plan—Plan 2—and said I needed help for the final act.

For the finale, I decided to go big. I had Lippy write back to S.M. (with a little help from yours truly) and tell them to text on my blog (FOLLOW ME).

Ladies, one at a time—this was peak performance. Now, on to the execution. The clock hit 12:35, and I knew I couldn’t just leave the room, text, and come back—way too obvious. So I recruited one of my minions. I showed her some examples of S.M.’s style, and she got to work.

On the outside, I was nonchalant. On the inside? I was living.
I was officially off the suspicion list. YIPEE.
(You can read the chats on the chatbox: “Senpaichat.”)

Now listen. I know I said I fumbled earlier—but this time? I was really in the belly of the beast.

Because guess what I did? I replied to Lippy’s blog message with:

"I could tell you… but where’s the fun in that? Guess!"

And who caught me red-handed?

LIPPY.

I’ve decided to confess to my heinous crimes. (ಥ _ ಥ)

We Just Wanted a Blind Box (and Committed Minor Crimes)

 

Butt down, hands sweating, scale on the floor, weighing each box precisely. “It’s fine, keep going, they’re not close… at least not yet. I’ll alert you when they’re here.”

Henna and I decided to perform our biggest heist yet… our first heist.

So, after every major exam week (midterms and finals), after being locked away in our rooms, slaving away — no entertainment, no social interactions, studying, pen to paper, chat to the GPT — we reward ourselves with a little trip to the mall. But this time, it was different. We weren’t going as law-abiding customers. We were going as soon-to-be mischievous criminals (nothing too crazy), ( no stealing of course (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖) )

With the rise in popularity of blind boxes, our lovely go-to bookstore decided to implement a NO WEIGHING BOXES rule.The first time I saw the bold sign above the boxes, newly bought scale in hand, I was shocked. How could they do this to me?! After spending the last of my allowance on THAT SCALE that I’m apparently not allowed to use anymore?! It’s all their fault. Those resellers — curse you meddling kids!!! 

I called my personal bodyguard (Henna), and we decided to plan our heist:

1. Enter the store separately (make sure we’re not seen together).
2. Fill our baskets with blind boxes (an unsuspicious amount, to go under the radar).
3. Head to the self-help section (ironic).
4. If needed, repeat until we get a box with the desired weight.
5. Return all the unwanted boxes (we’re polite like that ( ˘ ³˘)♥).

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Day of the Heist 

I woke up bright and early and headed to the mall (scale in hand). We met up, and the scale was finally secured and hidden in Henna’s bag. We decided to check out the toy store as a practice round, but the options there were quite lacking. (What type of toy store has no blind boxes??? British ones.)

It was time. We couldn’t keep beating around the bush any longer. The plan was in action. Henna was ahead (10 steps), and I walked behind, keeping a safe distance. We finally reached the blind box section. Henna went first. And in a span of 10 seconds, all those weeks of planning came crashing down:

“Neo, how does the blind box look like? I can’t find it.”

After showing Henna a photo, she said the blind box I wanted wasn’t there. I pushed Henna to the side and checked for myself — and it was confirmed. Lo and behold, it was not there (as Henna said).

As I experienced the five stages of grief, Henna decided to check if the book series she reads had a new volume.

And then — I struck gold.

I saw the fattest, biggest, juiciest stack of Pop Art figures standing before me. The plan was back in action.

Since we were already seen together, Step One was canceled. Step Two was on.

We each grabbed two boxes and headed to the self-help section (we really needed that lowkey). We pushed the perfectly arranged books to the side, and I placed the forbidden scale on the shelf. My hands were sweating like crazy. I kept glancing over my shoulder, terrified we’d get caught. Every tiny sound made my heart jump. I weighed the first, second, and other boxes, and we got the one that matched the weight of the character Henna wanted. We returned the unwanted blind boxes. (Security and staff members were eyeing the blind boxes like vultures.)

I decided that I wasn’t heading home empty-handed, so I picked up every box and felt around. I was happy with any of them — except the bird. Satisfied, we headed to the cash register and paid.

We didn’t open them straight away. Henna decided to get some snacks from the Asian supermarket first so we’d be completely set before unveiling our finds. After that, we headed to the food court to settle down and finally open our boxes. I set up my phone to capture our reactions. I kid you not — you could see the disgust on my face.

I got the ONLY figure I didn’t want from the series: that damn bird. Henna didn’t get the one she wanted either, but she got a pretty cute one regardless. I, on the other hand, was stuck with that guy.

But after a while, he started to grow on me. He was… kinda cute.

 

Love At First Bite

How I Acthuly Met Headphones

When Jum Jum and I stopped being friends, I had to find new ones because ( I will not sit by myself. ) 

After recess, we’d all stand under the scorching sun, chanting our school’s motto. What made it bearable was that pink, perfectly glazed donut topped with rainbow sprinkles.

After chanting like a bunch of cult followers, it was time to go back to class. Since all of us had to head back upstairs, the usual stampede happened; it was a choking hazard (THE ATROCIOUS SMELL OF B.O ROAMED THE HALLS). As I dodged the sea of fifth graders (I was one of them), I raised my sacred donut to the sky so it wouldn't get squashed by the oncoming traffic. Dodging and turning, going through so many challenges to take a bite, the perfect bite.

I finally reached the top of the flight of stairs, finally safe. Then out of nowhere, a head popped out of the crowd in the hallway, and ... NOM! 

... She took a bite ... Out of my donut, MY DONUT!

I was flabbergasted. Like, what goes through someone's head to just take a bite of a stranger's donut?! LIKE, WHO DOES THAT??? But after I met Headphones, I let it slide.

So yeah, sometimes you don’t find a friend through common interests... but through a shared love of sprinkle donuts.

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"HEADPHONES" ACTHUWAL HEADPHONES