Sassy minion yapping, equations on the board—my school life was getting repetitive. Then boom—this sinister idea came to me. Why don’t I make up a secret admirer and play a prank on my friend Lippy? So, I grabbed some paper, folded it in half, and wrote up some cheesy haikus in between, signing it “S.M.” (Do you really think I’d leave you without proof? ಠ_ಠ)
The letter reads : Hello, my will to live
ur smile a sunrise
my heart does cartwheels for you
signed - S.M
Very mysterious, I know. But little did I know that LIPPY NEVER OPENS HER DAMN LOCKER.
I kind of forgot about the whole thing until one day, while Lippy and I were skipping class, we finally found the letter still sitting in her locker. At first, I was shocked. Then it clicked: I wrote that damn letter. I didn’t know what to do, so I acted all surprised (because I’m not blowing my cover on the first note???).
But I wanted to laugh SO BAD because Lippy couldn’t read my beautiful cursive handwriting (I tried my best). She even took a photo and sent it to ChatGPT… like, my handwriting isn’t that bad.
So Lippy replied I believe a few lessons later with this:
The letter reads :
roses are red, violets are blue, who r you cuz i wanna meet you :)
Now I feel like those serial killers with a signature—like, once you see the crime scene, you know exactly who did it. But I do have to say: Lippy, I’m quite flattered.
I decided to wait a bit so I wouldn’t look desperate (≖_≖). A week later, I planted my next letter. The vibe I was going for? The horse in Tina’s dreams in Bob’s Burgers (10/10 masterpiece).
This is where I kinda fumbled. While reading the letter, Lippy saw me hinting at what S.M. was trying to say. She was beginning to grow suspicious. And when I tried planting the letter, I got caught multiple times by classmates. Thankfully, they don’t talk to Lippy anymore (oop).
Lippy didn’t respond for a while. I thought, “I’ve definitely been caught. She totally knows I’m behind these secret letters.”
Nevertheless, I went forward with the plan and planted S.M.’s third letter in her locker.
The letter reads :
I will give you 1 hint
I’m in the 11th grade
And it included a fill-in-the-blank kind of game.
( i'm not showing you guys the letters cuz it is soo cringy .·°՞(≧□≦)՞°·. )
So Neo, how did you fumble? You executed that perfectly. You planted it after school and even wrote it in the janitor’s closet!
Well, when Lippy found the letter and was trying to decode it, I slipped up and said, “Obviously it’s a red herring.” That made her even more suspicious. So I decided to let them solve it themselves.
So I replied to my OWN letter which I helped Lippy to write back to S.M ( lowkey so proud of this one )
The letter reads : Riddle me this, Riddle me that I would like 2 see you in a group-chat ?
talk to me here ( the blog you are on rn ) - i will be online this week (12:35 - 12 :55)
I immediately told one of my pookies, “It’s time.” I explained the whole plan—Plan 2—and said I needed help for the final act.
For the finale, I decided to go big. I had Lippy write back to S.M. (with a little help from yours truly) and tell them to text on my blog (FOLLOW ME).
Ladies, one at a time—this was peak performance. Now, on to the execution. The clock hit 12:35, and I knew I couldn’t just leave the room, text, and come back—way too obvious. So I recruited one of my minions. I showed her some examples of S.M.’s style, and she got to work.
On the outside, I was nonchalant. On the inside? I was living.
I was officially off the suspicion list. YIPEE.
(You can read the chats on the chatbox: “Senpaichat.”)
Now listen. I know I said I fumbled earlier—but this time? I was really in the belly of the beast.
Because guess what I did? I replied to Lippy’s blog message with:
"I could tell you… but where’s the fun in that? Guess!"
And who caught me red-handed?
LIPPY.
I’ve decided to confess to my heinous crimes. (ಥ _ ಥ)
